Car companies are usually keen to talk about high-tech testing; about computer crash tests and robot manufacturing. So Ford’s press release about the pregnancy suit came out of left field – and stood out for its photo.

Here we have a gangly German engineer wearing what can only be the show-stopper at the next fancy-dress party he attends.

The suit mimics pregnancy, with water and lead weights to simulate bulk, bladder pressure and the restricted breathing experienced by pregnant women.

It’s used to check a car’s ergonomics, its seatbelts and how easy it is to get in and out of.

The same German engineers also wear a ‘third age’ suit to simulate old age, stitched to restrict joint movement, reduced fingertip sensations and visual range, and to slow and tire the wearer.

That’s the idea, though I suspect bosses with a sense of humour mandated the suits rather than draft in the real deal – then sent a snapper to catch testers unawares, for this is clearly not a posed PR shot.

And our hapless engineer’s last word on the test suit? “It feels great when you take it off.”

I haven’t changed my mind; after taking each one over my home roads I still prefer the 1.4-litre Alfa Romeo Giulietta to the 1750 QV.

Don’t get me wrong, I love power. That shove in the back as you slam the throttle down, the wheels scrabbling for traction, the horizon reeling towards you with eyeball-stretching speed. But it can be a liability given a tight and technical real-world road, let alone real world speed limits.

I can’t afford to get arrested for starters – and anyway, successfully throwing a nimble vehicle through the swervery is ultimately more satisfying than just planting boot.

I loved thrashing Lamborghini’s Murcielago, but I’d rather a Lotus Elise for everyday, or a Mazda MX-5 for that matter; they better suit the demanding country road on which I live.

The gruntiest Giulietta with its lowered sports suspension isn’t at its best out here while the less powerful, more compliant 1.4 rewards the driver prepared to take it by the scruff, while doing a comfier and more frugal job of the everyday commute. 

Fiat’s 500 Abarth Esseesse is riotous fun. Sitting 35mm lower than a standard 500, with new springs and shocks for the sports suspension and a bigger, twin-turbo motor wedged into an engine bay enlarged to fit, it fields a shed-load more power and torque than the standard car for a zero to 100 time that’s three seconds quicker.

Comfy it ain’t, though the suspension’s more compliant than expected thanks to almost bouncy rebound damping that at least left my kidneys intact. It also launched the car skywards a couple of times though it tracked impressively true over bumps – our launch drive chosen as much for its tricky surfaces as its plethora of bends.

It’s not often I spend my stint at the wheel giggling out loud – or arrive at lunch a good 25 minutes ahead of the next car for that matter.

But then this Esseesse’s like that. You won’t care about the jolty ride, or that VW’s Polo GTi does a better job of the everyday grind. You’ll buy it for track days and a committed approach to swervery, then put up with the compromises for those moments when the little hooligan can shine.

 Spent three days with the Ford team on this year’s Variety Club Bash, raising funds for the children of Christchurch.

The money helps disabled or disadvantaged children ‘become the best they can be’ – an ambition we could all aspire to.

Bashers are a great bunch, as they have to be to tour the country in old cars and silly outfits making kids and adults laugh, shaking buckets along the streets of rural towns and raising sponsorship.

It’s a privilege to be involved – and to drive Ford’s MkIII Zephyr, with its fake granite dash, fur seats and mighty six-cylinder heart. The car handles surprisingly well for a 46-year-old veteran, though mid-corner bumps can alarmingly compromise its line.

Still, this year’s new clutch, work on the suspension and a new windscreen wiper to replace the one lost over the Rimutakas last year were appreciated by this blue-wigged driver, while my passenger made good use of the new speakers.